Who do they think they are anyway?

When you see someone wearing a t-shirt like this, do you want to be her friend? Nope. I wouldn’t either. In fact, I’d probably make a wide berth around her, just to avoid making eye contact. And it wouldn’t be because this person would just know that I was thinking “Whom in the world would care so much about grammar to wear a t-shirt telling the world?” rather than “Who in the world…?”

The sad thing is, I actually care about grammar, and I still can’t stand people who continually look for opportunities to correct it. These are June Casagrande’s so-called “grammar snobs.” They’re a hyper-breed of stuck-up know-it-alls, including that English teacher you had in the 7th grade who would not allow you to go to the bathroom until you phrased the question “May I?” rather than “Can I?”

Cassagrande describes these people as ones who “can turn on you in an instant, transforming from Jekyll-like, playful nerds into bloodthirsty Hydes” (2). It’s true. We’ve all seen it happen. One minute you’re minding your own business, happily misconjugating verbs and utilizing dangling participles, and the next you’re backed into a corner behind the wagging finger of an enraged psycho. The tirade goes something like this: “Did you seriously just say ‘whom’ instead of ‘who?’ It’s taking the place of a subject, therefore it must be ‘who.’ Where were you educated? Aren’t you in college?”

Well excuse me. I’ll try to keep my misusage of pronouns to myself next time.

I wonder if this is why I gain so much pleasure from Casagrande’s assurance that these grammar snobs don’t know as much as we, or they, might think.

June Casagrande boils this whole mess down into one thought-provoking (albeit sarcastic) philosophy: “The rules of language function like one big conspiracy to make most of us feel stupid” (xxi). Oh, it all makes sense now. I’m just going to have to do the best I can to get a firm grasp on verb tenses and pronoun usage. But if I mispunctuate something here or there, then it’s going to be okay. The world will not be prematurely rushed into the Apocalypse.